


5 Times Jared Got Drunk and the One Time He Didn't

by dearzoemurphy



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: F/M, Gen, Jared-centric with Zoevan on the side, Post-Canon, drunk!Jared is fun to write, established realationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-25 13:46:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12037149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearzoemurphy/pseuds/dearzoemurphy
Summary: Alternate title: drunk!Jared is fun to write.My first multi-chapter fic I guess?? Jared-centric with Zoevan in the background, post-canon, ties into my AU works where Evan and Zoe got back together a year after the events of the musical but others are not required to understand this story.





	1. ~ 1 ~

**Author's Note:**

> Whooo, first multi-chapter fic!! The next one and the last one have been written, so three more to go I guess.

~ 1 ~

Jared slammed his shot glass down onto the bar.

“See Ryan, I told you I could break the record!” he yelled, waving over a bartender. Jared’s coworker just raised an eyebrow and nodded, casually sipping his beer. A bartender appeared in front of Jared.

“Hey cutie. You got a boyfriend?” Jared asked, hiccuping and reaching out to poke the man’s chest.

“No. But I do have a girlfriend. Is there anything I can get for you?” the bartender asked, visibly annoyed.

Jared pouted. “Boo, another fuckin’ straighty. There’s too many of you in here, it’s bringing me down,” he grumbled, then spun around on the barstool. Ryan had a look of embarrassment cross his face.

“Sorry about my friend dude, and I think all we need is the tab,” he said. The worker nodded, then scurried off to get their check.

Ryan looked over to Jared as he downed the rest of his beer. “Hey buddy, are you gonna be okay?” he asked.

Jared turned to face him and narrowed his eyes. “Find me a hunk to take home and then the answer will be yes,” he said.

Ryan rolled his eyes. “I don’t think you’re in a state to be taking anyone anywhere, okay buddy? Let’s just get you home, I can take you or call up your friends, Eli and Zelda or whatever,” he said.

Jared snapped. “Their names are Evan and Zoe!” he yelled, slamming his fists on the bar and gritting his teeth.

Ryan slowly raised his hands in the air, then subtly tried to motion for help. “Hey, hey, buddy. I think you’ve had a little too much to drink-” he started.

Jared raised his eyebrows. “Too. Much?” he said quietly, standing up, “I think I’d know if I’d had too much, and I haven’t.”

Ryan gave a fake smile as bar staff quickly started to close in on the pair. “Okay dude, you haven’t had too much, I promise. Sorry about that misunderstanding, bro,” he said quickly.

“Why are you straight guys always so damn insecure about your sexuality?” Jared asked, stepping closer to Ryan.

“Whoa dude, okay, how about you just take a deep breath and step back, okay?” the dark-haired man said in an attempt to calm Jared, putting down his glass and stepping down from his stool.

A flame was lit in Jared’s eyes. “No! I refuse! You’re always calling me dude and bro and buddy, so worried that I’m gonna develop some kinda deep gay love for you, right? Well you’re not my type! Your face looks like an ugly potato and you have the charisma of a deck chair!” he screamed, walking closer to Ryan as the other man was slowly backing away. The bar staff decided it was finally time to intervene, as the manager stepped between the two men.

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave this establishment,” he said calmly to Jared.

“Why would I?!” the smaller, bespectacled man yelled in the manager’s face. The manager sighed.

“Sir, you are being asked to leave on accounts of disorderly conduct,” he said sternly. Ryan quickly ran to the cash register to pay their tab. Jared opened his mouth to respond to the manager, but decided instead to punch the manager in the nose. Jared was small, but he’d trained himself to punch well. What he didn’t expect was to have a slower reaction time due to his drunkenness, and the manager’s ability to quickly duck out of the way. Jared opened his mouth in shock, staring at his fist.

“Sir, please leave this establishment immediately, or we will have to call the police,” the manager said, sounding tired.

Jared gave a frown that almost looked like a pout. “Fine. Can I just call my friends to come pick me up? I’m not riding home with my jackass of a straight friend,” he said, crossing his arms.

The manager sighed. “Yes. The landline is over by the coatrack,” he said, pointing in the direction of it.

Jared gave a curt nod, turned back to Ryan, who was walking towards him, flipped him off, then strode off towards the phone. Ryan was speaking quietly to the manager, apologizing for Jared’s behavior, but the man walking away ignored them. He got to the phone and dialed Evan’s cell.

“Hey Ev. I got kicked out of a bar, can you come pick me up?... How’d I get here, I came with my jackass of a co-worker but I’m not getting in his car again… no, there’s no one else who can come pick me up…wait a second, did I call you guys in the middle of fucking?!” Jared said on the phone, taking a break to put the phone away from his face and cackle wildly.

“Okay, thanks dude, I’ll be on the front steps,” he said, still laughing as he grabbed his jacket and stumbled out the front door, saluting in the direction of Ryan and the manager.

A few minutes later, Evan and Zoe pulled up in front of the bar. Jared clambered into the backseat, and began busting out laughing when he saw how disheveled both of his friends were. Zoe began blushing furiously, while Evan just rolled his eyes.

“Shut up Jared. We’re not the ones who got kicked out of a bar and wouldn’t ride back home with the person we came in with,” he said, sounding annoyed as he hit the gas and sped off towards their apartment complex.


	2. ~ 2~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I probably should have saved this chapter to post later but...I love it okay I needed to share it with the world.

~ 2 ~

“Three Happy Meals with chicken nuggets please,” Jared said, placing an elbow on the counter.  
  
“No no no, Jared, I wanted a cheeseburger,” Zoe frowned, hiccuping in the middle and then grabbing Evan’s arm and leaning onto him.  
  
Jared rolled his eyes. “Okay, sorry. Two Happy Meals with chicken nuggets, one with a cheeseburger,” he said to the cashier, followed by a loud belch.  
  
“What would you like to drink with that?” the irritated cashier asked.  
  
“Um, I don’t know, what would you guys like to drink?” Jared asked, turning around to Zoe and Evan. Zoe was planting kisses on an extremely flustered Evan’s neck.  
  
“I’ll have a chocolate milk,” Zoe said, looking up briefly, then turning back to her boyfriend.  
  
“Apple juice, please,” Evan requested, blushing.  
  
Jared nodded, then turned back to the register.  
  
“Alright, alright, chocolate milk with the cheeseburger, and apple juice with both of the chicken nuggets,” he said.  
  
The cashier finished punching in the order. “Okay, that will be $10.42,” she said. Jared reached for his wallet, but panicked once he felt his empty pockets.  
  
“Aw shit, did I leave it at the bar?” he grumbled to himself.  
  
Evan sighed and stepped forward, Zoe almost falling on her face as he did. “I’ve got it Jared, you handed it to me before you went to the bathroom to puke. I’ll get this though,” he said, pulling out his own wallet and producing a twenty dollar bill. The woman took the cash, then handed Evan the receipt and change.  
  
“Thank you very much,” he said, giving an awkward smile to the cashier. The woman just glanced to Jared and Zoe, who were fawning over the case of Happy Meal toys, then smiled and nodded in return.  
  
“EvanEvanEvan guess what guess what, there’s minion toys in the Happy Meals and Jared wants to shove one up his ass,” Zoe said, stumbling towards her boyfriend and clutching onto his arm.  
  
Evan’s eyes widened. “That’s…nice I guess,” he responded. Zoe just nodded and gave Evan a sloppy kiss on the cheek before returning to the case of Happy Meal toys. He sighed and leaned against a wall separating the waiting and eating areas and casually checked his phone. He didn't mind being the designated driver most times, but Jared and Zoe almost passed their limit of being fun drunks tonight. Thankfully for them and everyone else, Evan hated angry drunk Jared and sad drunk Zoe more than McDonald’s, so he was able to cut them off with a diversion once things started going south.

“Order number 41,” a worker said over the loudspeaker, interrupting Evan’s thoughts and Zoe and Jared’s musings on the downfall of the Happy Meal toy.

“FUCK YEAH, HAPPY MEAL TIME,” Jared yelled, running over to pick up their tray.

“C’mon babe, let’s go get a table,” Zoe said, grabbing his hand and following it up with placing a kiss on Evan’s earlobe.  
  
Evan just smiled and nodded as his girlfriend led him over to a booth next to a window, and Jared joined them with the tray full of boxes.  
  
“I can see the grease seeping through the box! We’re in good shape,” Jared said enthusiastically, throwing himself into the booth opposite from Evan and Zoe.  
  
“Whoo, which one has the cheeseburger?” Zoe asked, pausing her sloppy kiss attack on Evan.  
  
“This one right here,” Jared said, handing her a box, then pushing another towards Evan.  
  
“Fuck yes, I’m so fucking hungry,” Zoe said, tearing open the box. Evan took the calmer approach of thoughtfully unfolding the top, while Jared ripped open the bottom and let everything fall out onto the tray.  
  
“Why the fuck are there apple slices in my Happy Meal?” Jared asked, gaping at the tray.  
  
Zoe shrugged. “They put those in there now,” she said, picking up her own and tossing them to the side.  
  
“Fuck, they’re tryin’ to make us drunks eat healthy, but I won’t have any of it!” he said, fuming.  
  
Evan casually took out his chicken nuggets. “Hey Jared, we forgot to pick up ketchup, do you mind going to get some?” he asked.  
  
Jared winked and finger-gunned towards Evan. “You got it, bro,” he said, standing up and stumbling towards the drink counter.  
  
“Was it really a great idea to send him to do that?” Zoe asked, cramming several fries in her mouth.  
  
Evan shrugged. “I wasn’t gonna leave you two drunks here alone to come up with ideas on how to terrorize the employees, and you’re on the inside of the booth,” he said casually.  
  
“You mean you don’t trust us not to go up and demand extra fries in place of apple slices and threaten to burn the place down if they don’t comply?” Zoe asked, giving Evan doe eyes and leaning on his shoulder.  
  
“Considering the fact that you had such a detailed plan already, yes,” he replied, Zoe frowning and sitting up.  
  
“Fineeee, I guess that makes sense,” she said, moping and picking up her cheeseburger.  
  
Jared finally came back, balancing a napkin cradled around several paper cups of ketchup.  
  
“I got it! Most of the pumps were broken, so it took a while to find one that didn’t squirt me in the face,” he said. Evan raised an eyebrow, but Zoe just grabbed a few of the cups and continued scarfing down her food. They all continued eating in silence for a few minutes, wordlessly dipping fries into ketchup and chicken nuggets into barbeque sauce.  
  
Jared was the first to break the silence. “What toys did you guys get?” he asked, opening the bag holding his own, “I got…a prisoner minion.”  
  
Zoe snorted, laughing so hard that chocolate milk almost shot out of her nose. “Holy shit, I have to see what mine is,” she said, scrambling through the contents of her box.  
  
“I got the same thing,” Evan said, a small, amused smile spreading across his face at Zoe and Jared.  
  
“Boo, I did too,” Zoe responded, pouting again and taking an angry bite out of her cheeseburger.  
  
The three sat and ate silently again for a while, scarfing down fries and chicken nuggets. Zoe broke the silence when there was nothing but salt and smears of ketchup left in their boxes.  
  
“It's been so long since I've had a Happy Meal, I almost forgot what McDonald's fries taste like,” she mused thoughtfully, stuffing all her trash into her box and leaning into Evan.  
  
Her boyfriend nodded. “I think at our age, it's only acceptable if you're really drunk or with people who are,” he said, taking the last few fries out of his container and putting one arm around Zoe.  
  
“What do you mean? Happy Meals are for anyone who wants to be happy,” Jared replied, looking completely serious as he gathered together all of their trash onto the tray, “Speaking of which, this Happy Meal was disappointing.”  
  
Evan tilted his head. “How so?” he asked, then turning his attention to Zoe, who was back to lazily kissing and sucking on his neck and earlobe.  
  
“It didn't make me happy,” he said, pouting.  
  
“You gonna do something about it?” Zoe asked, looking up for a second. Evan shot her a death glare.  
  
“Ya know what? Yes. I'm gonna go demand a refund,” Jared said, slamming his hands on the table and standing up.  
  
Evan was about to raise an objection, but Zoe nodded towards Jared then grabbed her boyfriend by his shirt collar and pulled him in for a rough kiss so he couldn't say anything.  
  
Zoe came up for air as soon as Jared ran away from the booth and up to the counter. “You taste like chicken nuggets,” she said, giggling.  
  
Evan frowned. “Did you do that just so I couldn't stop Jared?” he asked as Zoe scooted closer to Evan so she was almost sitting in his lap.  
  
“Nope, he went to the bathroom,” she said, wrapping her arms around Evan and going in for another kiss, but not before stealing a glance at the counter Jared was approaching. Evan shrugged and went along with it, deciding he’d had enough of worrying about Jared for the night.

Jared reached the counter and slammed his fists on it. “I need to speak to a manager immediately!” he yelled. A worker jumped and almost spilled a cooking basket of fries, while another sighed and walked over.  
  
“I’m the manager this shift,” he said, looking extremely tired.  
  
“I’d like to file a complaint,” Jared responded, defiantly crossing his arms.  
  
“You can fill out a form online, the link is on your receipt,” the manager said, rolling his eyes.  
  
Jared snapped in his face. “No! I need to tell you right now that my Happy Meal was extremely unsatisfactory,” he said, almost yelling. At this point, Evan looked up from making out with Zoe and realized he had to start worrying about Jared again.  
  
“Zoe!” he yelped as she was moving into Evan’s lap. He gently picked her up and placed her back down next to him in the booth.  
  
Zoe pouted. “What?” she asked innocently.  
  
“Jared!” he yelled, hastily getting up and running towards the counter. Zoe looked up over the booth again and cackled at the scene unfolding in front of her.  
  
“Listen buddy, I'm gonna tell it to you straight: my Happy Meal didn't make me happy,” Jared was saying, leaning in closer to the manager as Evan ran up.  
  
“Oh hey Jared! Emergency! Our plants haven't been watered in over 14 hours, we need to get back to the house!” he said, trying to grab Jared by the arm and pull him away from the counter. Jared simply raised his pointer finger towards Evan.  
  
“One second, I'm having an amicable conversation with his gentleman here,” he said, not breaking eye contact with the manager. Evan shot him an apologetic look.  
  
“Well, I'm sorry about that, but I can't give you a refund. What I can do is call the police and have them arrest you for public intoxication if you don't leave this store right now,” the manager said, crossing his arms.  
  
Evan’s eyes widened, and Jared was fuming.  
  
“You can't do that to me! I'm a simple man on a simple missio-” he began yelling before Evan finally grabbed him by the arm.  
  
“Thank you for your time! You won't need to worry about us anymore, come on Zoe, let's go!” he said, starting to drag Jared towards the door.  
  
“No! I'm not leaving until I get my money back!” Jared yelled, struggling against Evan’s now tight grip on his arm.  
  
“I payed, Jared, now let's just get out of here,” Evan responded as Zoe approached, who stumbled forward and pushed open the door.  
  
“This isn't over yet! You haven't seen the last of me!” Jared screeched as Evan took Zoe’s place at the door so she could lead him out of the atrium. He looked apologetically to the frazzled staff at the counter.  
  
“I'm so sorry about my friend, I think he had one too many, I'll make sure he gets home safely,” he said, hands shaking. The manager just gave a simple nod before Evan ran out of the building, feeling his face flush in embarrassment. He walked over to the car and hopped into the driver’s seat, Zoe next to him and Jared miraculously fast asleep in the backseat.  
  
“I got him to the car and he passed out right away,” Zoe said, leaning over the console to attempt to hug Evan. He returned the awkward half hug.  
  
“Thanks honey, I think we've all had enough excitement for the night,” he replied, chuckling slightly.  
  
Zoe moved back to her seat and rubbed her temples. “Fuck, I think my hangover is setting in already,” she grumbled.  
  
Evan reached over to rub her shoulder as he started up the car. “Don't worry, we’ll be home soon, I'll make you a preemptive hangover cure and then you can get some sleep,” he said.  
  
Zoe leaned her head onto his arm. “What did I do to deserve you, angel?” she mused almost to herself, smiling radiantly.  
  
Evan gave an equally glowing smile back. “Just lean back, we’ll be home soon enough,” he said. Zoe nodded and squeezed his arm before leaning back into her seat. Evan adjusted the rearview mirror, catching a glimpse of the peacefully sleeping Jared. He cracked a smile, then drove out of the parking lot. He really didn't mind being the designated driver. As long as Jared wasn't yelling at McDonald’s employees. Otherwise, he was completely fine with it.

 


	3. ~ 3 ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: feels and character development start in this chapter. ;)))))

~ 3 ~

“Whoo, go sports team!” Jared yelled at the TV screen in front of him, raising his mug of beer. The guy sitting next to him snorted, almost spitting out his drink.

“Do you have any idea what is happening in this game?” he asked, turning towards Jared.

“Nope, no idea,” Jared responded, taking a sip from his glass.

The other man raised his beer. “I don't either! I'm just here to get wasted,” he said, lowering it to take a big swig.

Jared slammed his glass on the bar. “Say, we should chug the next round we get!” he exclaimed.

“Absolutely! You have such great ideas,” Jared’s new friend said, cackling.

“You're my new best friend here! And I thought I'd have to drink the pain away alone,” Jared said, placing a hand on the other man’s arm.

“Say, what's your name?” the man asked, taking another swig from his glass.

“Jared. Jared Kleinman,” Jared answered, extending a hand.

“I'm Steve. Steve Scott,” he replied, taking Jared’s hand and shaking it and laughing.

“This is going to be my best drunken night in a while, I can already feel it!” Jared screamed, raising his hands in the air, accidentally sloshing beer on the person to his left. The person who received the spilled beer looked over and scowled at Jared, but stood up and moved to another stool before any confrontation could occur.

Steve laughed. “Me too. Alright, I'm out, are you ready to chug?” he asked, looking down at his empty glass.

“You betcha,” Jared replied, playfully shoving his new friend in the shoulder. Steve flagged down a bartender and asked for two more steins, right as everyone else in the bar went wild as a touchdown was scored.

Jared looked up to the TV and squinted. “What just happened, a slam dunk?” he asked jokingly, adjusting his glasses.

Steve guffawed. “Yeah, I hope the blue team gets par!” he joked back right as their drinks were placed in front of them and their empty glasses cleared away.

“Alright, it's go time,” Jared said, cracking his knuckles. The two men picked up the glasses and clicked them together.

“Okay, in 5...4...3...2...1...CHUG!” they counted down together then raised their drinks and started downing them. The people around them took notice of what was happening and began egging the pair on. A chorus of “chug, chug, chug!” arose amidst the excitement about the football game. Neither man showed any sign of slowing down anytime soon as they guzzled their beer. By the time most of the glasses were drained, everyone around them was chanting and encouraging, the game having gone on a commercial break. Jared took one last gulp and slammed his glass on the table, wiping his mouth. A few seconds later, Steve finished his drink as well and put his glass down next to Jared’s. The small crowd that had gathered around them cheered, several clapping Jared on the back.

“I've never felt more like a straight frat dude than I do now! Let’s do some shots, I'm buying a round!” Jared exclaimed, standing on top of his stool and raising both fists in the air.

Steve raised his fist in the air in return. “Yeah! Shots, shots, shots!” he chanted, slamming his glass on the counter each time. A staff member suddenly rushed over to the two men and the small crowd they had amassed.

The bartender reached up and tapped Jared on the shoulder. “Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to sit down or get off of the stool,” he asked, a bit of nervousness creeping into his voice.

Jared sat down and spun around. “What was that?” he asked in reply, having trouble hearing over the crowd.

The bartender sighed and shook his head. “Can I get you anything else, or just the tab?” he asked.

Jared snorted, then almost fell over on the counter laughing. “The tab? I'm just getting started,” he said, and the bartender grimaced.

“Alright, what can I get for you then?” the clearly worried staff member asked.

“A bunch o’ shots of the best liquor you got, let's go with ten to start,” Jared responded, looking to Steve, who nodded his approval. The crowd had dispersed slightly since the game came back on, but Jared was ready to draw their attention back in as soon as the shots came.

The bartender came back with a tray of shot glasses. “I gave you the sample tray of five different liquors, there's two of each, do you want me to explain which which?” he said, setting the tray in between Jared and Steve.

“Nope! We're good just doin’ them,” Jared said, him and Steve already reaching for a glass.

The bartender just nodded. “Let me know when you want your tab,” he said passive-aggressively, but Jared didn't notice as he and Steve took their first shot. Jared looked up to see the game going on yet another conveniently timed commercial break, and started to ham up his act.

“Wanna see who finishes the rest first?” Jared asked Steve, raising an eyebrow.

Steve grinned. “You betcha,” he said, raising the next shot and clicking the glass against Jared’s.

“3...2...1...GO!” they counted down together yet again, predictably capturing the attention of the people immediately around them. Jared and Steve took down their shots, almost in a deja vu like moment. They slammed their first glasses on the bar, and reached for the second one. The crowd started egging them on once more, this time, starting to take sides and support either Jared or Steve. Two shots down turned into three shots down, which turned into Jared gulping down the last shot and slamming it on the counter milliseconds before Steve, emerging victorious once more.

“Ha, I gotchu again!” Jared exclaimed, cackling and pointing at Steve.

Steve sighed. “I'm a little too rusty I guess,” he said, keeping a smile on his face but sounding a twinge disappointed.

Jared clapped him on the back. “It's alright my dude bro, very few can match the drinking prowess of Jared Kleinman,” he said, waving his other hand in front of him.

“Well, this has been fun, but I should probably go-” Steve started, but was cut off by a loud crash. Both men jumped and spun around in the direction of the sound. They were greeted by the sight of one man tackling another, and at least five glasses being knocked off of the counter and shattering on the ground.

“Whoa, I can’t believe we’re lucky enough to be caught up in a bar fight!” Jared said, pumping his fists in the air.

Steve grimaced. “Yeah, lucky... maybe we should just head out right now, I’ll walk you to your car or wait for your Uber with you-” he started, then turning back to Jared, who had disappeared. Steve spun back around to see the younger, bespectacled man running into the fray. He sighed and shook his head, realizing the mistake he’d made in egging Jared on. He waved over a bartender.

“Hey, can I have my tab? And the tab for my…friend,” he said with an awkward smile. The bartender nodded and scurried off to retrieve their bills.

Meanwhile, Jared, high on adrenaline, leapt into the fight. He threw a punch, and the small crowd gathered around went wild. Jared had no idea who he was hitting, but caught in the moment, he jumped further into the fight and knocked his opponent to the ground, pummeling him with his other fist. Sitting on top of the other person, he kept throwing more and more punches, aiming for what he thought was the person’s face. What Jared didn't realize during his adrenaline-induced frenzy is that the crowd had dissipated, and no one else was fighting anymore. He snapped out of his fit of drunken rage by someone tapping him on the shoulder. Jared stopped his attack on the patron and spun around to face the person who interrupted him, only to see a skittish Steve quickly jumping away from him.

“Whoa dude, you might want to look down,” Steve said loudly.

Jared looked down and his jaw dropped. “I was fighting a cardboard cutout of a NASCAR driver and no one told me?!” he screeched, shocked at sight of a 2D Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

While Jared was still in shock, another man came up and tapped him on the shoulder. Jared jumped upright, accidentally stomping on the already bent and wrinkled cutout.

“What do you want?” he asked, accusingly.

“Sir, we’re going to have to ask you to leave this establishment,” he said as Jared noticed his name tag with the subtitle of manager.

“Shit, not the third time this week…” Jared muttered to himself.

“What was that, sir?” the manager asked, crossing his arms.

“I'm sorry, I'll show myself out,” Jared said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and turning towards the door and taking a step before the manager raised a hand in front of him to stop him.

“Sir, you aren't leaving until you pay your tab. Your friend got your bill for you, now please pay at the counter,” he said, remaining stoic.

Jared reached for his wallet, then momentarily panicked, realizing it was missing. He began to scramble for a way out of the situation. “I don't got the money for all I got. Besides, you're kicking me out,” he said, beginning to sweat.

“Then why’d you order? I'm very sorry, but you'll have to find a way to pay,” the manager said, rubbing a temple.

Jared looked over to call for Steve to help him, but saw his supposed ‘new friend’ quickly pushing his way out of the bar. Jared sighed, then turned back to the glaring manager.

“Look, I'm in a tight spot. I'm sorry I got drunk and got in over my head here. Your establishment’s too good for that, I get it,” he said, hoping flattery would get him out of the situation.

“Listen, sir, you're not going to talk your way out of this one. Either you pay and get out of here, or I have you arrested on charges of theft and public intoxication,” the manager replied with a stone cold facial expression.

Jared weighed his options, and quickly chose the most viable option. He ran for it. Shoving the manager out of his way, he bolted for the door, occasionally pushing or elbowing other people out of his path. He made it outside a few seconds after and took in a breath of fresh air, and promptly realized he hadn't formulated any more of a plan past his escape. Trying to think quickly, he surveyed his surroundings and sprinted for the first thing he saw; a tree. Hearing the door to the bar open, he panicked and scrambled up the tree as fast as he could, his vision going blurry and his senses being impaired.

“Hey! Sir! You'll be under arrest if you don't come down from there!” a bar staff member yelled from the base of the tree. Jared tried to climb further up the tree, but couldn't quite reach the higher branch and didn't want to take the risk. He clung onto the limb he was on even tighter, hoping none of the staff would climb the tree to come after him.

Staff were yelling up from the base of the tree as Jared kept holding on, until he jumped at the sound of the screech of car tires.

“Shit, did they actually call the police?” Jared yelped, trying to mutter to himself but failing. His heart rate accelerated to a million miles an hour, until he saw the driver’s face.

“Evan!” he called, waving to him, forgetting he was in a tree. With that, he came crashing down to the ground. Evan got out of the car and rushed over to the tree as bar staff were picking Jared up and making sure he was okay. He whispered a few words to the staff, then helped Jared up.

“Hey, buddy. You're lucky Zoe and I were going here after dinner,” he grumbled, one arm around Jared’s shoulder, supporting him as he walked him to the car. Zoe walked out of the bar as Evan helped Jared into the backseat.

“His tab is all paid, the manager said he won't press charges or anything since it was taken care of, but he can never come back here again,” she said matter-of-factly to Evan before slipping into the passenger’s seat. Her boyfriend followed suit, and the three were flying down the road in no time.

After several moments of uncomfortable silence, Zoe turned around to face Jared. “Jared, what the hell were you thinking?! This is the third time this week!” she yelled.

Evan began to sweat. “Easy Zoe, we’ll deal with this in the morning,” he said, reaching over to quickly touch her on the shoulder.

Jared remained uncharacteristically silent, as Zoe gave a frustrated sigh and turned back to face front. The three passengers remained silent for the remainder of the car ride, tensions also remaining high. Not a word was spoken until they reached their apartment complex.

“Thanks for the ride,” Jared croaked. Evan simply nodded, while Zoe stared straight ahead. Seeing they were in no mood to talk, he clambered out of the back seat and slammed the door before walking up to his apartment.

A few more moments of silence passed between Evan and Zoe, until Zoe suddenly burst into tears. Evan rushed to comfort her, wrapping his arms around her the best that he could and stroking her hair.

“Shh, shh. Everything's going to be alright,” he murmured.

Zoe tried to take a breath, but let out a sob instead. “It doesn't look like that yet. He's got me so worried,” she whispered. Evan just continued stroking her hair.

“We’ll talk to him about it in the morning,” he said, trying to offer comfort. Zoe simply nodded.

“Alright, let’s go up. Snuggle and a romcom? I'm in no mood to sleep,” she suggested, looking up at Evan with doe eyes.

He chuckled softly. “Of course. I might fall asleep, but I'm always good for snuggles,” he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucky for you all, the next chapter is already written because I thought it was going to be the third but realized flip flopping the order made more sense for the story! That will probably go up sometime Friday, since I won't have much time to write at all the rest of this week. Also, I L I V E off of kudos and comments, so please leave some, whether you loved or hated this!!
> 
> Also, #justiceforsteve he just came out to have a good time.


	4. ~ 4 ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops more angst, being the climax of the story and all!! Not so much humor this time around, but I hope you all still enjoy. This takes place just a couple hours after the previous chapter!!

~ 4 ~

Jared swirled his glass of scotch as he scrolled through his Instagram feed, occasionally double tapping or simply making a disgusted face. Taking a sip, he propped an arm up on the kitchen island, spinning his barstool slightly. His stomach grumbled, and he sighed.

“Fuck, guess I should get myself something to eat other than alcohol,” Jared muttered, setting his phone down and sliding off the stool. Still holding his glass of scotch, he stumbled over to his pantry and shoved open the door. He scanned the shelves, looking for some kind of baked good. His stomach grumbled again, even louder.

“Shut up already! I think I have some Twinkies somewhere,” Jared yelled, seemingly talking to his stomach as if it was a person. He leaned farther into the pantry, digging around behind packets of ramen and assorted canned goods. After about five minutes of lazily shoving food off of the shelves and onto the floor, a bright golden box appeared. Jared gasped.

“Finally! I know you've been craving these for so long,” he said, putting the hand holding his scotch to his stomach and raising the box up to it as well. Cradling the box and glass, he took a step back towards the kitchen island, only for his foot to land on a can of Chef Boyardee ravioli and slip, sending him crashing to the ground. The glass of scotch and box of Twinkies flew out of his grasp. The box turned over in midair and landed with barely a sound, revealing itself to be empty. The decidedly not empty glass was thrown further away from Jared, throwing the reddish liquid onto the floor before hitting it itself and rolling yet farther away. The rest of the scotch was spilled onto the hardwood. Jared lay flat on his back, staring blankly at the ceiling. He almost didn't want to get up, just curl up and fall asleep right there among the cans and boxes. There was no point in getting up, he could clean everything up tomorrow, he thought. Until his stomach growled, yet again. Jared rolled his eyes and groaned.

“Why do you have to do me like this?!” he screamed, shaking a fist in the air. However, he gave in to the wishes of his stomach and planted a hand on the ground, grabbed onto the edge of the door, and shakily pulled himself up so he was standing upright more or less. Jared carefully scanned the ground and tiptoed a careful path away from the pantry. Once he was far enough away, he turned to survey the mess and sighed.

“Why do I always do this…” he mumbled to himself, reaching to grab a towel from his counter to attempt to mop up the spilled scotch. Brushing away food packages, he knelt down and picked up the glass, which was miraculously still intact, and dragged the folded towel through the spill. The liquid soaked through the towel, and Jared sat mesmerized for a few minutes, still running the towel back and forth over the ground, even when all of his drink had been cleaned up. It took another stomach grumble to snap him out of it. Jared carried the towel over to his sink, rung it out and draped it over the edge before padding over to his refrigerator. Upon opening the door, his face fell. The only items in his fridge were a large jar of mayonnaise, a frozen package of breakfast sausage, and half a two-liter of seltzer water for mixing drinks. He sighed.

“Guess I'll have to sneak into Evan and Zoe’s,” Jared muttered, giving up on his own apartment and inching his way past the mess of the floor to collect his keys from his coffee table. Picking them up, he strode to the door and threw it open, not bothering to put on shoes before stepping outside. He thankfully had enough common sense left to lock his door before creeping down the hallway to the door of Evan and Zoe’s apartment. He fumbled with his keychain, looking for the key his friends had given him so he could take care of their plants when they were away or too busy. Upon finding it, he grinned and shoved it into the lock, turning it slowly so it wouldn't make as much noise. His plan was simply to get in, grab some leftovers from their fridge, then scurry back to his own apartment.

Crossing the threshold into his friend's’ apartment, Jared took the key back out of the lock and gingerly shut the door. He paused for a moment, listening to make sure that Evan and Zoe were asleep. Nodding after a few moments of confirming silence, he began tiptoeing towards their fridge. One of his feet hit a creaky floorboard and he took a sharp breath in. Jared paused for another moment, looking around and listening to make sure he hadn't woken them, but only heard a gentle snore in response. Letting out a sigh of relief, he tiptoed the rest of the way to the fridge. Jared threw open the door and quickly surveyed his options. His eyes widened at the sight of a takeout pizza box. He hastily pulled it out and laid it on the counter, about to rip open the lid when he heard hat he thought was another snore, but louder. Jared froze.

“Christ, Evan should get that checked out,” he muttered to himself, smiling as he turned back to the box. He was stopped yet again by the sound of a higher pitched voice, and the faint sound of footsteps.

Jared panicked. Yet, knowing he'd made it this far and couldn't go back without the food he'd promised his stomach, he opened the box, grabbed two slices of sausage and mushroom pizza, hastily shoved the rest back into the fridge, and took one step towards the door when the lights suddenly cut on.

Jared let out a bloodcurdling scream and threw his hands in the air. He looked over to the source of the light to see a terrified and angry Evan, towel haphazardly wrapped around his waist, hands shaking as he held up a metal shovel. Zoe was close behind him, a sheet wrapped loosely around her, shaking in fear.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” she yelled, still shaking but letting out a sigh of relief upon seeing that the intruder was no one but Jared.

Evan started sweating and shaking even more, but lowered the shovel to the ground. “Jared. What are you doing here?” he asked, an accusatory tone in his voice.

“I got hungry and I didn't have any premade food in my apartment,” Jared responded, holding up a half eaten slice of pizza.

“We…we thought someone broke in…” Evan stuttered, struggling to catch his breath.

Zoe reached to put a comforting hand on her boyfriend’s shoulder, rubbing soothing circles to calm him down. She snapped her head up after he was breathing regularly again and shot Jared a death glare.

“Jared, we didn't give you the key so you could come in whenever you please because you're too lazy or drunk to make food for yourself! We thought someone broke in, you gave Evan a panic attack! Could you have not waited until tomorrow morning to make things worse?!” she asked, murder and fear simultaneously flashing in her eyes as she held the death glare.

Jared lowered his hands, not realizing they were still in the air, then setting the pizza down on a counter and sighing.

“I'm sorry,” he said simply, not sure of what else he could say.

“You have to stop drinking so much,” Evan said quietly, still shaking as Zoe moved on to rubbing his back.

Jared snapped and slammed his hands on the counter. “You people don't know my limit! I know my limit! What's up with people this week, damn,” he screeched, then quickly trailing off and mumbling to himself.

“We’ll talk about this in the morning. In addition to having to pick you up at the bar. None of us have the energy for this right now,” Zoe said calmly, giving Jared a pleading look.

Jared just scowled back. “I didn't need to be saved back there, I had the situation all under control,” he said.

“Jared, we'll talk about this in the morning,” Zoe reiterated as Evan began to shake even more.

“Fine! Y'all are just being buzzkills though, I hope you wake up enlightened,” Jared said, scowling.

“Alright. Please leave our apartment now. And leave the key,” Zoe said, adding the last sentence impulsively and regretting the words the moment they flew out of her mouth.

“Oh, so I drunkenly come into your house once while you're sleeping and you want to take away my key right away?” Jared asked, challenging Zoe.

“Jared, you're drunk, go home,” Zoe snapped, instantly regretting those words even more. Evan gasped, and Jared stormed across the room.

“What did you say to me, slut?” he said, looking her up and down as she adjusted the sheet covering her body.

“Just please leave our apartment now! We’ll talk tomorrow about everything,” Evan yelled, snapping himself.

Jared gaped, trying to come up with a rebuttal but failing. He settled for an indignant snort. “Fine! I'll see you both tomorrow. Can't wait. Good night, sleep tight,” he said, giving an almost flirtatious wave, storming back to the counter, grabbing his pizza, then throwing himself out the door and slamming it behind him.

Evan jumped at the noise of the slam, and Zoe slid down to the ground. Evan noticed his collapsed girlfriend and rushed down to make sure she was okay.

“Babe? What's wrong?” he barely whispered, wrapping his still shaking arms around her.

Zoe burst into tears, deep sobs wracking her body. “What do we do about this? Is there any way we can fix this?” she choked out between sobs.

Evan moved closer and let her cry on his shoulder. His lip quivered. “I'm worried too. We’ll try to do what we can tomorrow,” he said, placing his head on top of Zoe’s and closing his eyes, rubbing her back gently.

Zoe nuzzled her head into Evan’s neck as he planted a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“Let’s go back to bed, okay? You're right, we can deal with this in the morning,” she said, taking his hand.

Evan nodded. “Alright, that sounds great,” he said, giving a shaky smile and lifting himself up. He extended a hand to Zoe, who reached for it but fell over her own legs and laughed.

“Do you want me to carry you?” Evan asked, chuckling.

“Oh hush, you're in no state to-” Zoe started, but was cut off by Evan leaning down and sweeping her up bridal style. She let out a surprised squeal, and smiled.

“Do you know why I love you so much?” Zoe asked as Evan carried her down the short hallway and into their room.

“Why?” he asked, smiling.

“You can make the whole world stop and make me only able to see you,” she said softly as Evan set her down on their bed.

One arm still around Zoe’s back, Evan leaned in and gave her a slow, passionate kiss. As they drew apart, he rolled over onto the other side of the bed and smiled.

“You do the same for me,” Evan said, still gazing into Zoe’s eyes.

Zoe sighed. “But I'm still worried about Jared,” she said, moving the sheet to cover both of them and pulling up the covers.

Evan gently brushed back a lock of her stray hair. “Don't worry right now. There's no purpose in that. I promise, we will be able to help him. It will take more than a morning. But he will be found,” he said, fighting back tears.

Zoe just nodded and buried her face into Evan’s chest. He wrapped his arms around her as tightly as possible, and the two fell asleep soon after, tear stains and smiles plastered on their faces. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!! As always, please let me know what you thought, mostly because I have had several other ideas for fics dealing with darker, deeper issues and I'm interested to see how the reception to the addition of them is. 
> 
> And the Zoevan fluff near the end might be a tone shift, but I had to throw in something lighthearted and fun to write. Lo siento.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought of this so far!! Also if you have any ideas for other set ups in this story, tell me!! I have ideas but the other three chapters aren't set in stone.


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